Post by The Ace on Feb 7, 2010 11:15:37 GMT -5
theace83
Site Owner
Posts: 68 Redemption - August 7th, 2006
Backstory: In easily the most severe beatdown of The Ace's career, this match I consider great because not only does The Ace persevere and survive to be crowned ESW's United States Champion (his first title for the company), but also its unique and has a slapstick humour about it that keeps you entertained and stretches the Hardcore stipulation to its limits to the point where it becomes ridiculous, however the shock ending takes nothing away but adds to the shock value of the match as a whole...if ever The Ace proved himself worthy of his name, this is the match...
Main Event:
ESW United States Title Match
Hardcore Handicap Match
The Ace vs. David Blazenwing & Starla Gardevoir ©
DING DING DING!!!
Maria Carter: Ladies and gentleman, it is now time for your Redemption main event, and it is a Hardcore Handicap Match, scheduled for ONE fall, for the ESW United States Championship! Introducing the challenger… hailing from Birmingham, England, weighing in at 246 pounds… he is THE ACE!!!
As the titantron shows the ‘Spade’ symbol, red strobe lights illuminate the stage, the growling of a motorcycle engine is heard as the opening guitar and drums kicks in, the titantron shows The Ace beating down Crazy Boy, Hellbringer and Mr Admirable with his sledgehammer, followed by shots of The Ace delivering Ace-Plants to Spike Kane and Death Trap, interspersed with flashes of Exodus being superkicked, and Alex McCloud receiving a Scissors Kick, and also The Ace raising the UWF Carnage Championship, coming down on Spike Kane with a FameAcer from atop a cage, fighting Triple D and raising the UBAWF World Heavyweight Championship and the ICW Undisputed World Heavyweight Championship and the vandalised XHF European Championship. As the symbols and drums begin, The Ace appears on stage on a red and black Harley Davidson, adorned with the Union Jack behind, he revs the bike and grins looking out over the crowd, as huge flame pyros erupt either side of the ramp, simultaneously causing cards to fall from the rafters and the red strobe lights to flash around the arena as the lyrics to 'Sinner’ by Drowning Pool begin…
Bend me, shape me, misdirect me
Its all the same to me
Look at all this useless talk…
The Ace rides down the ramp...
Look at all this useless talk
Look at all this useless talk
Upon your cross…
As he comes off the ramp, the cards stop falling he turns left, revving the bike at each turn around the ring…
You look at me but you don't see
Understand I'm a sinner
Don't corner me
Don't lecture me
Raise your hands you're a sinner…
He stops at the foot of the ramp and dismounts his bike, walking back towards the ring as the guitar and drums play, entering it. He walks to the middle and places his hands on his hips and confidently paces up and down the ring…
Is this everything you wanted find another dream
You never hear a word I say
You never hear a word I say
You never hear a word I say
So pray…
He stops in the middle of the ring and smirks as the chorus fades as and the lights return to normal…
Maria Carter: And, introducing the opponents… first, she is your current and reigning ESW United States Champion, in addition to being ½ of the ESW Tag Team Champions… she hails from Panama City, Florida… she is “STUTTERFLY” STARLA GARDEVOIR!!!
"Painted by Numbers" by The Sounds fills the arena as the crowd starts cheering loudly and “Stutterfly” Starla Gardevoir makes her way onto the stage!
Could I act like you, and put a smile on my face
Not even for a second, would I lie to myself
Too many things are missing, there's a tear in my eye
It's not a question or an answer, but it will change your mind
This very attractive young girl makes her way out to the ring, stopping for a moment to give several high fives to audience members before rubbing the United States Title around her waist and holding up the ESW Tag Team title in her hand.
We'll be the same tomorrow
Cause we've all been painted by numbers
We dance and I shall follow
You said it was love, I said I'd like you to be mine
Starla then hits the ring, sliding under the bottom rope.
I couldn't act like you, but I can love like you do
Between us there is something, I can't explain it to you
We'll be the same tomorrow
Cause we've all been painted by numbers
We dance and I shall follow
You said it was love, I got what I need to get by
She then makes her way to the corner post and steps up to the second turnbuckle, raising her hands and taking in the adulation of the fans as the music fades.
Maria Carter: And, her tag team partner… he hails from your own Milwaukee, Wisconsin…
*Crowd explodes*
Maria Carter: …weighing in at 245 pounds… he is The New Hotness… he is DAVID BLAZENWING!!!
The lights in the arena all cut to black and the Tron comes to life, pulsating with a green light as a quiet beat gets louder with every flash. It gets faster and faster, and louder with each pulse, until the pulsating light explodes into the words "Total Nonstop Hotness" and "Frontline" by Pillar blares across the arena sound system.
It's not like I'm walking alone into the valley of the shadow of death
Stand beside one another, 'cause it ain't over yet
I'd be willing to bet that if we don't back down
You and I will be the ones that are holding the Crown in the end
The stage fills with smoke and the crowd comes to their feet, cheering loudly as they all await the appearance of The New Hotness himself, David Blazenwing.
When it's over, we can say, "Well done"
But not yet, 'cause it's only begun
So, pick up, and follow me, we're the only ones
To fight this thing, until we've won
The crowd explodes in a flurry of cheers as the smoke clears on the stage and a man in a dark green trenchcoat stands, head down, facing the X-Tron. He raises his hands and snaps his fingers, causing four loud bursts of pyro to ignite, two on each side of him, before spinning around Y2J style to reveal himself as David Blazenwing!
We drive on and don't look back
It doesn't mean we can't learn from our past
All the things that we mighta done wrong
We could've been doing this all along
His sunglasses shining with the glare from the arena lights, David looks to the left, then to the right, nodding towards the crowd before walking down the ramp. He rolls his shoulders and flips his shoulder length blonde hair back behind his coat, then stops near ringside to slap hands with a few fans.
Everybody, with your fists raised high
Let me hear your battle cry tonight
Stand beside, or step aside
We're on the frontline
After stopping to slap one last fan’s hands, David moves towards the ring steps and hops up and down a few times in front of them before quickly racing up the steps to the apron side facing the stage. He stops and pulls his sunglasses off, then tosses them behind his head into the crowd, then leans down and steps through the middle of the ropes to enter the ring.
Everybody, with your fists raised high
Let me hear your battle cry tonight
Stand beside, or step aside
We're on the frontline
David walks across the ring and leaps up onto the second rope in the corner nearest the timekeeper, then pulls off his green trenchcoat and tosses it towards the timekeeper. David smirks and points to the fans, then slaps his chest a few times and points up towards the sky, closing his eyes and saying a short prayer.
And we'll be carrying on, until the day it doesn't matter anymore
Step aside, you forgot what this is for
We fight to live, we live to fight
And tonight, you'll hear my battle cry
We live our lives on the frontlines
We're not afraid of the fast times
These days have opened up my eyes
And now, I see where the threat lies
David leaps down from the corner and immediately turns to sit down in the same corner, ala Raven.
Everybody, with your fists raised high
Let me hear your battle cry tonight
Stand beside, or step aside
We're on the frontline
David then rests his head on the second turnbuckle pad as his theme fades and the crowd continues cheering loudly.
theace83
Site Owner
Posts: 68 DING!
The crowd explodes as David stands up and walks over to Starla. He says something to her, and she nods, backing up slightly. David then walks up to The Ace.
David: So… you’re this Ace guy everyone’s been talking about, eh?
David looks him up and down.
David: Okay… you get one free shot before I kill you. Make it a good one.
ET: What did he just say?
MM: He’s giving Ace a free shot, I think! What an idiot!
Ace thinks for a moment, then kicks DB in the gut before leveling him with the FameAcer (FameAsser)! Starla gasps as Ace stands up and poses for the booing crowd. Ace then turns back to Blaze… and DB is standing!
David: Okay, seriously… whenever you’re ready to hit me, bring it.
MM: What the hell?
ET: That was Ace’s finisher, the FameAcer… and it didn’t even affect Blazenwing! Wow!
Ace shakes his head and mutters something, then kicks DB in the gut again before hitting a Standing Scissors Kick! Ace then picks Blazenwing up, turns him around, and hits the Upper Hand (Eye of the Hurricane)!
Ace: How’s THAT, you son of a bitch!?
David rolls onto his feet and brushes off his shoulder as the crowd cheers loudly.
David: Jesus, kid, stop trying to hurt me and hurt me! How’d you win all them flashy little titles in your movie with moves like THAT? I got hit with a plastic playskool chair once by a three year old… that hurt more.
MM: HOW DARE HE!
ET: (laughing) Well… I think Ace is going to need more than that if he’s going to win this match.
Ace seems disillusioned as he lowers his head to think of a new strategy.
David: Okay, I’m starting to get bored. Time to die.
Ace looks up just in time to be speared by Blazenwing! The duo tumbles to the floor and David begins laying punches into Ace’s face. Starla leans back against the ropes and enjoys the show.
ET: This might be Starla’s easiest win to date!
MM: It’s not over yet! Mark my words… The Ace will be your new United States Champion! He’s just… a little slow in the early goings here… no worries…
Back outside the ring, David stands up and tells Starla something. Starla nods as she rolls out of the ring and slides underneath the apron. She then comes out with… SMACKDOWN’S LITTLE BASTARD!
MM: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?
ET: Is that… a LEPRECHAUN!?
Starla grabs the frisky little leprechaun, shillelagh in hand, and scurries over to where Ace is laying. David nods, then tells Starla to just drop him! Starla shrugs, then lets go, and the little man clad in green goes nuts on Ace! He starts nailing Ace in the face repeatedly with the shillelagh, busting him open! After a few moments, David finally grabs Little Bastard off of Ace and tosses him back under the ring, kicking him for good measure. The crowd is mixed between cheering loudly and laughing hysterically as David and Starla both laugh as well.
MM: WHAT WAS THAT THING!?
ET: I… wish I knew! It wasn’t good news for Ace though, I’ll tell you that!
David reaches down and picks up the bloody Ace, then tells Starla to grab the legs.
Starla: Where are we going?
David: I’m hungry. Let’s take slapnuts with us.
Starla: …ok. I could go for a cheeseburger.
David and Starla heave Ace up and start walking up the ramp.
ET: Cheeseburger?
MM: Catering’s cleaned out, thanks to me. HA! Guess they’ll have to go hungry.
The camera follows the duo backstage. We see Captain Marticus getting tended to after his match, and as the duo walks up, they drop Ace on the floor with a loud thud and stop to chat.
David: Dude, Marty! What’s up?
CM: Dave? When did you join ESW?
David: Oh, it’s a one night thing. Here to help Starla. Banging her sister and all that, you know. Besides, like I’d miss a chance to be in my hometown ever? Ha! So, I hear you’re Tag Champs with Starla, eh?
CM: Yeah. It’d be nice if we could actually, y’know, defend them once in a while. I forget I have this belt sometimes.
David: Ha ha ha… you’re just that damn good man!
Ace finally starts to stir, and slowly rises to his feet.
David: Oh, excuse me a moment…
CM: Oh, no, I got this.
Ace stands up and turns… only to have Captain Marticus pick him up and drop him hard onto the concrete with the O.R.C.A. [Overkill: Rather Cataclysmic Attack] (Emerald Fusion)! Ace’s head bounces hard off the concrete as CM stands up and smirks.
CM: So… where were we?
David: Just saying how good you were.
CM: Oh, right… that I am. That I am.
David: Alright, so I’m kinda hungry and all, dude, so we’re gonna head down the street to McDonalds and get something to eat. You want anything?
CM: Nah, I’m good. Thanks though.
David: No prob, bob. Alright, Starla, let’s get back to it!
David and Starla lean down and lift Ace back up again.
David: Later CM.
CM: Later Dave. Later Starla.
Starla: Later Marty.
The two, with Ace in tow, then walk off towards the parking lot. After a few moments, they reach it… only to have Victor Von Doom step in front of them.
VVD: Can I ask where in the –
David’s eyes go wide as he drops Ace, Ace’s head bouncing off the concrete again with a loud crack!
David: OH MY GOD! IT’S YOU! IT’S REALLY YOU!
VVD: Yes, so you’ve heard of my greatness then?
David: Totally! Dude, I need your autograph.
David reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small black book and a pen before offering it to VVD.
David: Okay… just add it next to Zach and Slater’s.
VVD: …Zach? Slater? What are you going on about?
David: …aren’t you Screech from Saved by the Bell?
The crowd erupts with loud laugher as Von Doom shakes his head.
VVD: I am NOT some two-bit player on a stupid comedy!
David: I dunno… I’ve seen your stuff with Shane, and I disagree.
The crowd continues laughing as Von Doom fumes.
VVD: GET OUT OF MY ARENA!
David: Sure thing, brohan. You want anything from McDonalds?
VVD: …an apple pie.
David: …wait, you actually eat?
VVD: Of course I do! Why would you ask such a stupid question?
David: Oh… I thought you just, like, sucked blood or something. I know your wife Shane sucks plenty of –
VVD: GET OUT!
David: Oy! Geez, going, going… come on, Star. Grab our buddy and let’s get us some grub!
David and Starla hoist Ace up again and carry him over to a forest green convertible. They dump him into the back seat as David leaps over into the driver’s seat and Starla climbs into the passenger’s seat. David pulls out the keys and starts the car.
David: Alright… time for some tuneage…
David starts driving, then tunes the radio until…
I like big butts and I can not lie
You other brothers can't deny
Starla: Hey! It’s Ace’s favorite song! Ha ha ha!
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist
And a round thing in your face
You get sprung, wanna pull out your tough
'Cause you notice that butt was stuffed
Deep in the jeans she's wearing
I'm hooked and I can't stop staring
David: This CAN’T be Ace’s favorite song!
Oh baby, I wanna get wit'cha
And take your picture
My homeboys tried to warn me
But with that butt you got makes me feel so horny
Ooh, Rump-o'-smooth-skin
You say you wanna get in my Benz?
Well, use me, use me
'Cause you ain't that average groupy
Starla: Why not?
I've seen them dancin'
The hell with romancin'
She's sweat, wet,
Got it goin' like a turbo 'Vette
I'm tired of magazines
Sayin' flat butts are the thing
Take the average black man and ask him that
She gotta pack much back
David: Because it’s not “It’s Raining Men”! Ha ha ha!
So, fellas! (Yeah!) Fellas! (Yeah!)
Has your girlfriend got the butt? (Hell yeah!)
Tell 'em to shake it! (Shake it!) Shake it! (Shake it!)
Shake that healthy butt!
Baby got back!
The song quiets down as the trio reaches the McDonald’s drive thru.
Drive Thru Guy: Welcome to McDonald’s, can I take your order?
David: Yeah… I’d like a Big ‘n Tasty Extra Value Meal with a large Coke, no ice… Starla?
Starla: Give me a cheereburger Happy Meal.
David looks at Starla.
Starla: What? I collect the toys.
David: Okay… one cheeseburger Happy Meal… for the kid… hey Ace, you want anything?
David turns to see Ace still knocked out, bleeding over his seats.
David: Ah, son of a… yeah, we need extra napkins, too. Oh, and an apple pie for that creepy guy who looks like Screech.
theace83
Site Owner
Posts: 68 Drive Thru Guy: So, that’s one Big ‘n Tasty Extra Value Meal with a large Coke no ice, one cheeseburger Happy Meal, one Apple Pie, and extra napkins?
David looks over at Starla.
David: That sound good to you?
Starla nods.
David: Yep, that’s right. Actually… give me some extra packets of salt too.
Drive Thru Guy: Okay, that’ll be 7.18. Please pull forward.
David pulls the car forward, pays the man, and gets the food. They then start driving back to the arena as David hands the Happy Meal off to Starla. He then pulls the apple pie out of the box and sticks it down his pants.
Starla: What are you doing?
David: Saw this in a movie once. Always wanted to try it.
The crowd in the arena (this is all being taped as it happens) groans loudly as David smiles widely.
David: Ah, good thing I’m quick work. Von Doom will love this, I bet.
David pulls the apple pie back out of his pants and puts it back in the box.
David: Mmm… Mickey D’s Apple Pie… there’s a little Blazenwing in every bite! Ha ha ha!
Starla: You are so disgusting!
David: Eh, bitch has it coming. Oh!
David pulls the car over across the street from the Bradley Center and reaches into the bag, pulling out the salt packets.
David: I nearly forgot. Got you something, Ace!
David leaps over the seat to the back, then opens a salt packet and pours it right into the wound on Ace’s face! Ace comes to and starts screaming as David opens the remaining salt packets and dumps them into the headwound. Starla winces, listening to Ace’s screams, then gets excited as she pulls something out of the bag.
Starla: SWEET! A Pirates of the Caribbean blow up sword! Ronald McDonald is my hero!
Starla pulls the sword out and starts blowing it up as David drags the kicking and screaming Ace out of the car and looks down the street.
David: IRISH WHIP!
David then whips Ace into the street, and moments later, he is nailed by a moving vehicle! Ace does two flips in the air, and his boots fly off, as Ace lands on the other side of the street, in bad condition.
David: OH! That’s why you always look both ways before crossing the… Starla, WHAT are you doing?
David looks over and sees Starla using her blow-up sword to poke a sleeping hobo in the face.
Starla: What?
David: (sighing) Never mind. Let’s get this jerkoff back into the arena. We’re not done with him yet. But first… dinner!
David pulls out his burger and starts eating it as people on the other side of the street start to clamor worriedly around Ace. Starla, meanwhile, has gotten stuck in a tug-of-war with the hobo over the sword. The hobo then pulls the sword away from Starla.
Hobo: TONY THE BULL WINS AGAIN! HA HA HA HA HA!
The hobo then runs off, leaving Starla looking sad.
Starla: Aww…
David finishes the burger, meanwhile, and tosses the garbage back into the car.
David: Alright… let’s kick some ass!
David and Starla head off across the street (watching for traffic, wouldn’t want to pull an Ace now) and reach the other side of the street. They push the people away, only to see that Ace is, in fact, standing! David shrugs before rearing back and nailing the Full Effect (Sweet Chin Music), sending Ace THROUGH the windows of the Bradley Center and into the main lobby! The crowd inside the arena cheers loudly as David and Starla take off, heading through the main door. Inside, Von Doom is waiting.
VVD: I thought I told you to –
David: Here’s your pie.
David tosses the pie to Von Doom.
VVD: OOH!
Von Doom then heads to a corner of the lobby and begins greedily devouring the pie.
VVD: My precious…
Von Doom rocks back and forth.
VVD: …this pie tastes funny… oh well.
Von Doom eats the last of the pie and smiles happily. Back across the lobby, David and Starla are taking turns punching Ace, who is now bleeding all over.
ET: Well… they’re back in the Bradley Center…
MM: Did Von Doom really just eat that?
ET: He did.
MM: I think I’m going to be sick to my stomach. Where are my cheezits?
ET: (sighs)
Back to the action, as David has pulled Ace over to the ESW Merchandise stand. There are many different trinkets for sale here… an ESW Ultimate Championship replica belt… an Armani Stylez beer cozy… the Johnny Franchise “Do-it-yourself French Fries Kit”… and most notably, the assorted shirts of different ESW superstars, all of which are nearly sold out… save for Ace’s shirts, which look as though perhaps once was sold all night… and Ace himself is wearing a new shirt. David, meanwhile, pulls Ace up, then scoop slams him onto one of the two merchandise tables, putting him right through the center! Many fans amassed nearby are cheering loudly as David pulls one of Ace’s shirts off the rack, rubs it on his ass, then stuffs it into Ace’s mouth!
MM: Oh, that’s just sick.
ET: No kidding!
As David stands up, a fan appears with a chair in hand. David smirks, then takes the chair from the fan. He looks at Starla, then Ace.
David: Okay, Starla… I think this guy has suffered through nearly enough for tonight. Let’s get him back to the ring and finish him off. But first… there’s something I’ve always wanted to do…
David pulls Starla over and whispers into her ear. Her eyes go wide.
Starla: You’ve gotta be joking! That’s suicide!
David: Trust me… I’ll be fine. Just get him ready, okay?
David nods to Starla, who reluctantly agrees. David then heads off as Starla drags Ace to his feet and begins positioning him onto the second merchandising table.
ET: What does Blazenwing have in mind?
MM: I don’t know, but Starla didn’t like it.
Suddenly, the crowd cheers loudly as the camera moves up… and we see David standing stop the railing on the second floor of the arena, looking down at the lobby!
David: BANZAI, @#%$!
David then leaps off the second floor railing… time seems to stop as Blazenwing floats in mid-air, positioning the chair below his feet… and the crowd explodes as David lands, very hard, but dead on, destroying what was left of Ace with an Arabian Facebuster!!!
ET & MM: OH MY GOD!
Starla quickly drops down to check on David. After several moments, David starts to stir, and slowly is pulled to his feet by Starla.
David: That… was… AWESOME!
The crowd starts a loud “holy @#%$” chant as David grins widely, holding his sides, and motions for Starla to start dragging Ace into the main arena. The two slowly make their way back through the floor area, until they enter the main arena, and the crowd explodes!
ET: And they’re back in the arena now… don’t know why, this is a hardcore match, falls count anywhere and all that…
MM: Hey, David has something in mind, leave him be!
After struggling for a little bit, the duo reaches ringside and they dump Ace over the barricade, dropping him crotch first onto the barricade for good measure before pushing him over the side.
David: Like I said earlier, Ace… time to die!
David and Starla make their way back over the top and heave Ace’s limp body into the ring before David points to Starla.
David: Aeroticize him!
Starla: With pleasure!
The crowd cheers loudly as Starla heads to the top rope, then leaps off with the Aerotica (Swanton Bomb), landing squarely on Ace! She goes for the cover!
1!
2!
…and David pulls her off of Ace!
ET: What’s that all about?
Starla gets to her feet and questions David.
David: Wait… we’re not done YET. Let me do one more thing, ok? Then he’s all yours.
Starla thinks for a moment, then nods.
MM: They’re not done? Jesus H. Christ!
David starts walking over to the ropes… then stops, rears back, and nails Starla square in the jaw with the Full Effect (Sweet Chin Music)!
ET: WHAT THE HELL?!
MM: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! YES! JUSTICE!
theace83
Site Owner
Posts: 68 he crowd is sitting in stunned silence as David looks down at Starla, then Ace. He then kicks Starla over onto her back, before dragging Ace over to Starla and dropping him onto her! He then demands that the referee count! The ref, shocked, has no choice but to drop down and count.
1!
MM: Yes!
2!
ET: Not like this!
3!
DING DING DING!!!
Maria Carter: Ladies and gentleman, here is your winner and the NEW United States Champion… THE ACE!!!
“Sinner” by Drowning Pool hits the Tron as EMTs swarm the scene, checking on the new U.S. Champion. They quickly get him onto a stretcher and the title is laid across his waist as he is carted out of the arena. Meanwhile, the crowd is now booing loudly, chanting “D-Blaze Sucks” as he stands over the fallen Stutterfly.
ET: How in the… why in the… what just happened?!
MM: I’ll tell you, Ed… justice was served! I TOLD you Ace would be leaving here as the new U.S. Champion!
ET: But… why? Why did Blazenwing cost Starla the match… the title… and her unpinned streak in ESW?
MM: Who cares? It’s time to celebrate! Ha ha ha!
ET: I hope we get more on this next week…
In the ring, David leans down and points a finger at Starla’s head shaped like a gun, then simulates pulling the trigger, grinning evilly, as the camera fades to the ESW logo, then to black.
Site Owner
Posts: 68 Redemption - August 7th, 2006
Backstory: In easily the most severe beatdown of The Ace's career, this match I consider great because not only does The Ace persevere and survive to be crowned ESW's United States Champion (his first title for the company), but also its unique and has a slapstick humour about it that keeps you entertained and stretches the Hardcore stipulation to its limits to the point where it becomes ridiculous, however the shock ending takes nothing away but adds to the shock value of the match as a whole...if ever The Ace proved himself worthy of his name, this is the match...
Main Event:
ESW United States Title Match
Hardcore Handicap Match
The Ace vs. David Blazenwing & Starla Gardevoir ©
DING DING DING!!!
Maria Carter: Ladies and gentleman, it is now time for your Redemption main event, and it is a Hardcore Handicap Match, scheduled for ONE fall, for the ESW United States Championship! Introducing the challenger… hailing from Birmingham, England, weighing in at 246 pounds… he is THE ACE!!!
As the titantron shows the ‘Spade’ symbol, red strobe lights illuminate the stage, the growling of a motorcycle engine is heard as the opening guitar and drums kicks in, the titantron shows The Ace beating down Crazy Boy, Hellbringer and Mr Admirable with his sledgehammer, followed by shots of The Ace delivering Ace-Plants to Spike Kane and Death Trap, interspersed with flashes of Exodus being superkicked, and Alex McCloud receiving a Scissors Kick, and also The Ace raising the UWF Carnage Championship, coming down on Spike Kane with a FameAcer from atop a cage, fighting Triple D and raising the UBAWF World Heavyweight Championship and the ICW Undisputed World Heavyweight Championship and the vandalised XHF European Championship. As the symbols and drums begin, The Ace appears on stage on a red and black Harley Davidson, adorned with the Union Jack behind, he revs the bike and grins looking out over the crowd, as huge flame pyros erupt either side of the ramp, simultaneously causing cards to fall from the rafters and the red strobe lights to flash around the arena as the lyrics to 'Sinner’ by Drowning Pool begin…
Bend me, shape me, misdirect me
Its all the same to me
Look at all this useless talk…
The Ace rides down the ramp...
Look at all this useless talk
Look at all this useless talk
Upon your cross…
As he comes off the ramp, the cards stop falling he turns left, revving the bike at each turn around the ring…
You look at me but you don't see
Understand I'm a sinner
Don't corner me
Don't lecture me
Raise your hands you're a sinner…
He stops at the foot of the ramp and dismounts his bike, walking back towards the ring as the guitar and drums play, entering it. He walks to the middle and places his hands on his hips and confidently paces up and down the ring…
Is this everything you wanted find another dream
You never hear a word I say
You never hear a word I say
You never hear a word I say
So pray…
He stops in the middle of the ring and smirks as the chorus fades as and the lights return to normal…
Maria Carter: And, introducing the opponents… first, she is your current and reigning ESW United States Champion, in addition to being ½ of the ESW Tag Team Champions… she hails from Panama City, Florida… she is “STUTTERFLY” STARLA GARDEVOIR!!!
"Painted by Numbers" by The Sounds fills the arena as the crowd starts cheering loudly and “Stutterfly” Starla Gardevoir makes her way onto the stage!
Could I act like you, and put a smile on my face
Not even for a second, would I lie to myself
Too many things are missing, there's a tear in my eye
It's not a question or an answer, but it will change your mind
This very attractive young girl makes her way out to the ring, stopping for a moment to give several high fives to audience members before rubbing the United States Title around her waist and holding up the ESW Tag Team title in her hand.
We'll be the same tomorrow
Cause we've all been painted by numbers
We dance and I shall follow
You said it was love, I said I'd like you to be mine
Starla then hits the ring, sliding under the bottom rope.
I couldn't act like you, but I can love like you do
Between us there is something, I can't explain it to you
We'll be the same tomorrow
Cause we've all been painted by numbers
We dance and I shall follow
You said it was love, I got what I need to get by
She then makes her way to the corner post and steps up to the second turnbuckle, raising her hands and taking in the adulation of the fans as the music fades.
Maria Carter: And, her tag team partner… he hails from your own Milwaukee, Wisconsin…
*Crowd explodes*
Maria Carter: …weighing in at 245 pounds… he is The New Hotness… he is DAVID BLAZENWING!!!
The lights in the arena all cut to black and the Tron comes to life, pulsating with a green light as a quiet beat gets louder with every flash. It gets faster and faster, and louder with each pulse, until the pulsating light explodes into the words "Total Nonstop Hotness" and "Frontline" by Pillar blares across the arena sound system.
It's not like I'm walking alone into the valley of the shadow of death
Stand beside one another, 'cause it ain't over yet
I'd be willing to bet that if we don't back down
You and I will be the ones that are holding the Crown in the end
The stage fills with smoke and the crowd comes to their feet, cheering loudly as they all await the appearance of The New Hotness himself, David Blazenwing.
When it's over, we can say, "Well done"
But not yet, 'cause it's only begun
So, pick up, and follow me, we're the only ones
To fight this thing, until we've won
The crowd explodes in a flurry of cheers as the smoke clears on the stage and a man in a dark green trenchcoat stands, head down, facing the X-Tron. He raises his hands and snaps his fingers, causing four loud bursts of pyro to ignite, two on each side of him, before spinning around Y2J style to reveal himself as David Blazenwing!
We drive on and don't look back
It doesn't mean we can't learn from our past
All the things that we mighta done wrong
We could've been doing this all along
His sunglasses shining with the glare from the arena lights, David looks to the left, then to the right, nodding towards the crowd before walking down the ramp. He rolls his shoulders and flips his shoulder length blonde hair back behind his coat, then stops near ringside to slap hands with a few fans.
Everybody, with your fists raised high
Let me hear your battle cry tonight
Stand beside, or step aside
We're on the frontline
After stopping to slap one last fan’s hands, David moves towards the ring steps and hops up and down a few times in front of them before quickly racing up the steps to the apron side facing the stage. He stops and pulls his sunglasses off, then tosses them behind his head into the crowd, then leans down and steps through the middle of the ropes to enter the ring.
Everybody, with your fists raised high
Let me hear your battle cry tonight
Stand beside, or step aside
We're on the frontline
David walks across the ring and leaps up onto the second rope in the corner nearest the timekeeper, then pulls off his green trenchcoat and tosses it towards the timekeeper. David smirks and points to the fans, then slaps his chest a few times and points up towards the sky, closing his eyes and saying a short prayer.
And we'll be carrying on, until the day it doesn't matter anymore
Step aside, you forgot what this is for
We fight to live, we live to fight
And tonight, you'll hear my battle cry
We live our lives on the frontlines
We're not afraid of the fast times
These days have opened up my eyes
And now, I see where the threat lies
David leaps down from the corner and immediately turns to sit down in the same corner, ala Raven.
Everybody, with your fists raised high
Let me hear your battle cry tonight
Stand beside, or step aside
We're on the frontline
David then rests his head on the second turnbuckle pad as his theme fades and the crowd continues cheering loudly.
theace83
Site Owner
Posts: 68 DING!
The crowd explodes as David stands up and walks over to Starla. He says something to her, and she nods, backing up slightly. David then walks up to The Ace.
David: So… you’re this Ace guy everyone’s been talking about, eh?
David looks him up and down.
David: Okay… you get one free shot before I kill you. Make it a good one.
ET: What did he just say?
MM: He’s giving Ace a free shot, I think! What an idiot!
Ace thinks for a moment, then kicks DB in the gut before leveling him with the FameAcer (FameAsser)! Starla gasps as Ace stands up and poses for the booing crowd. Ace then turns back to Blaze… and DB is standing!
David: Okay, seriously… whenever you’re ready to hit me, bring it.
MM: What the hell?
ET: That was Ace’s finisher, the FameAcer… and it didn’t even affect Blazenwing! Wow!
Ace shakes his head and mutters something, then kicks DB in the gut again before hitting a Standing Scissors Kick! Ace then picks Blazenwing up, turns him around, and hits the Upper Hand (Eye of the Hurricane)!
Ace: How’s THAT, you son of a bitch!?
David rolls onto his feet and brushes off his shoulder as the crowd cheers loudly.
David: Jesus, kid, stop trying to hurt me and hurt me! How’d you win all them flashy little titles in your movie with moves like THAT? I got hit with a plastic playskool chair once by a three year old… that hurt more.
MM: HOW DARE HE!
ET: (laughing) Well… I think Ace is going to need more than that if he’s going to win this match.
Ace seems disillusioned as he lowers his head to think of a new strategy.
David: Okay, I’m starting to get bored. Time to die.
Ace looks up just in time to be speared by Blazenwing! The duo tumbles to the floor and David begins laying punches into Ace’s face. Starla leans back against the ropes and enjoys the show.
ET: This might be Starla’s easiest win to date!
MM: It’s not over yet! Mark my words… The Ace will be your new United States Champion! He’s just… a little slow in the early goings here… no worries…
Back outside the ring, David stands up and tells Starla something. Starla nods as she rolls out of the ring and slides underneath the apron. She then comes out with… SMACKDOWN’S LITTLE BASTARD!
MM: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?
ET: Is that… a LEPRECHAUN!?
Starla grabs the frisky little leprechaun, shillelagh in hand, and scurries over to where Ace is laying. David nods, then tells Starla to just drop him! Starla shrugs, then lets go, and the little man clad in green goes nuts on Ace! He starts nailing Ace in the face repeatedly with the shillelagh, busting him open! After a few moments, David finally grabs Little Bastard off of Ace and tosses him back under the ring, kicking him for good measure. The crowd is mixed between cheering loudly and laughing hysterically as David and Starla both laugh as well.
MM: WHAT WAS THAT THING!?
ET: I… wish I knew! It wasn’t good news for Ace though, I’ll tell you that!
David reaches down and picks up the bloody Ace, then tells Starla to grab the legs.
Starla: Where are we going?
David: I’m hungry. Let’s take slapnuts with us.
Starla: …ok. I could go for a cheeseburger.
David and Starla heave Ace up and start walking up the ramp.
ET: Cheeseburger?
MM: Catering’s cleaned out, thanks to me. HA! Guess they’ll have to go hungry.
The camera follows the duo backstage. We see Captain Marticus getting tended to after his match, and as the duo walks up, they drop Ace on the floor with a loud thud and stop to chat.
David: Dude, Marty! What’s up?
CM: Dave? When did you join ESW?
David: Oh, it’s a one night thing. Here to help Starla. Banging her sister and all that, you know. Besides, like I’d miss a chance to be in my hometown ever? Ha! So, I hear you’re Tag Champs with Starla, eh?
CM: Yeah. It’d be nice if we could actually, y’know, defend them once in a while. I forget I have this belt sometimes.
David: Ha ha ha… you’re just that damn good man!
Ace finally starts to stir, and slowly rises to his feet.
David: Oh, excuse me a moment…
CM: Oh, no, I got this.
Ace stands up and turns… only to have Captain Marticus pick him up and drop him hard onto the concrete with the O.R.C.A. [Overkill: Rather Cataclysmic Attack] (Emerald Fusion)! Ace’s head bounces hard off the concrete as CM stands up and smirks.
CM: So… where were we?
David: Just saying how good you were.
CM: Oh, right… that I am. That I am.
David: Alright, so I’m kinda hungry and all, dude, so we’re gonna head down the street to McDonalds and get something to eat. You want anything?
CM: Nah, I’m good. Thanks though.
David: No prob, bob. Alright, Starla, let’s get back to it!
David and Starla lean down and lift Ace back up again.
David: Later CM.
CM: Later Dave. Later Starla.
Starla: Later Marty.
The two, with Ace in tow, then walk off towards the parking lot. After a few moments, they reach it… only to have Victor Von Doom step in front of them.
VVD: Can I ask where in the –
David’s eyes go wide as he drops Ace, Ace’s head bouncing off the concrete again with a loud crack!
David: OH MY GOD! IT’S YOU! IT’S REALLY YOU!
VVD: Yes, so you’ve heard of my greatness then?
David: Totally! Dude, I need your autograph.
David reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small black book and a pen before offering it to VVD.
David: Okay… just add it next to Zach and Slater’s.
VVD: …Zach? Slater? What are you going on about?
David: …aren’t you Screech from Saved by the Bell?
The crowd erupts with loud laugher as Von Doom shakes his head.
VVD: I am NOT some two-bit player on a stupid comedy!
David: I dunno… I’ve seen your stuff with Shane, and I disagree.
The crowd continues laughing as Von Doom fumes.
VVD: GET OUT OF MY ARENA!
David: Sure thing, brohan. You want anything from McDonalds?
VVD: …an apple pie.
David: …wait, you actually eat?
VVD: Of course I do! Why would you ask such a stupid question?
David: Oh… I thought you just, like, sucked blood or something. I know your wife Shane sucks plenty of –
VVD: GET OUT!
David: Oy! Geez, going, going… come on, Star. Grab our buddy and let’s get us some grub!
David and Starla hoist Ace up again and carry him over to a forest green convertible. They dump him into the back seat as David leaps over into the driver’s seat and Starla climbs into the passenger’s seat. David pulls out the keys and starts the car.
David: Alright… time for some tuneage…
David starts driving, then tunes the radio until…
I like big butts and I can not lie
You other brothers can't deny
Starla: Hey! It’s Ace’s favorite song! Ha ha ha!
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist
And a round thing in your face
You get sprung, wanna pull out your tough
'Cause you notice that butt was stuffed
Deep in the jeans she's wearing
I'm hooked and I can't stop staring
David: This CAN’T be Ace’s favorite song!
Oh baby, I wanna get wit'cha
And take your picture
My homeboys tried to warn me
But with that butt you got makes me feel so horny
Ooh, Rump-o'-smooth-skin
You say you wanna get in my Benz?
Well, use me, use me
'Cause you ain't that average groupy
Starla: Why not?
I've seen them dancin'
The hell with romancin'
She's sweat, wet,
Got it goin' like a turbo 'Vette
I'm tired of magazines
Sayin' flat butts are the thing
Take the average black man and ask him that
She gotta pack much back
David: Because it’s not “It’s Raining Men”! Ha ha ha!
So, fellas! (Yeah!) Fellas! (Yeah!)
Has your girlfriend got the butt? (Hell yeah!)
Tell 'em to shake it! (Shake it!) Shake it! (Shake it!)
Shake that healthy butt!
Baby got back!
The song quiets down as the trio reaches the McDonald’s drive thru.
Drive Thru Guy: Welcome to McDonald’s, can I take your order?
David: Yeah… I’d like a Big ‘n Tasty Extra Value Meal with a large Coke, no ice… Starla?
Starla: Give me a cheereburger Happy Meal.
David looks at Starla.
Starla: What? I collect the toys.
David: Okay… one cheeseburger Happy Meal… for the kid… hey Ace, you want anything?
David turns to see Ace still knocked out, bleeding over his seats.
David: Ah, son of a… yeah, we need extra napkins, too. Oh, and an apple pie for that creepy guy who looks like Screech.
theace83
Site Owner
Posts: 68 Drive Thru Guy: So, that’s one Big ‘n Tasty Extra Value Meal with a large Coke no ice, one cheeseburger Happy Meal, one Apple Pie, and extra napkins?
David looks over at Starla.
David: That sound good to you?
Starla nods.
David: Yep, that’s right. Actually… give me some extra packets of salt too.
Drive Thru Guy: Okay, that’ll be 7.18. Please pull forward.
David pulls the car forward, pays the man, and gets the food. They then start driving back to the arena as David hands the Happy Meal off to Starla. He then pulls the apple pie out of the box and sticks it down his pants.
Starla: What are you doing?
David: Saw this in a movie once. Always wanted to try it.
The crowd in the arena (this is all being taped as it happens) groans loudly as David smiles widely.
David: Ah, good thing I’m quick work. Von Doom will love this, I bet.
David pulls the apple pie back out of his pants and puts it back in the box.
David: Mmm… Mickey D’s Apple Pie… there’s a little Blazenwing in every bite! Ha ha ha!
Starla: You are so disgusting!
David: Eh, bitch has it coming. Oh!
David pulls the car over across the street from the Bradley Center and reaches into the bag, pulling out the salt packets.
David: I nearly forgot. Got you something, Ace!
David leaps over the seat to the back, then opens a salt packet and pours it right into the wound on Ace’s face! Ace comes to and starts screaming as David opens the remaining salt packets and dumps them into the headwound. Starla winces, listening to Ace’s screams, then gets excited as she pulls something out of the bag.
Starla: SWEET! A Pirates of the Caribbean blow up sword! Ronald McDonald is my hero!
Starla pulls the sword out and starts blowing it up as David drags the kicking and screaming Ace out of the car and looks down the street.
David: IRISH WHIP!
David then whips Ace into the street, and moments later, he is nailed by a moving vehicle! Ace does two flips in the air, and his boots fly off, as Ace lands on the other side of the street, in bad condition.
David: OH! That’s why you always look both ways before crossing the… Starla, WHAT are you doing?
David looks over and sees Starla using her blow-up sword to poke a sleeping hobo in the face.
Starla: What?
David: (sighing) Never mind. Let’s get this jerkoff back into the arena. We’re not done with him yet. But first… dinner!
David pulls out his burger and starts eating it as people on the other side of the street start to clamor worriedly around Ace. Starla, meanwhile, has gotten stuck in a tug-of-war with the hobo over the sword. The hobo then pulls the sword away from Starla.
Hobo: TONY THE BULL WINS AGAIN! HA HA HA HA HA!
The hobo then runs off, leaving Starla looking sad.
Starla: Aww…
David finishes the burger, meanwhile, and tosses the garbage back into the car.
David: Alright… let’s kick some ass!
David and Starla head off across the street (watching for traffic, wouldn’t want to pull an Ace now) and reach the other side of the street. They push the people away, only to see that Ace is, in fact, standing! David shrugs before rearing back and nailing the Full Effect (Sweet Chin Music), sending Ace THROUGH the windows of the Bradley Center and into the main lobby! The crowd inside the arena cheers loudly as David and Starla take off, heading through the main door. Inside, Von Doom is waiting.
VVD: I thought I told you to –
David: Here’s your pie.
David tosses the pie to Von Doom.
VVD: OOH!
Von Doom then heads to a corner of the lobby and begins greedily devouring the pie.
VVD: My precious…
Von Doom rocks back and forth.
VVD: …this pie tastes funny… oh well.
Von Doom eats the last of the pie and smiles happily. Back across the lobby, David and Starla are taking turns punching Ace, who is now bleeding all over.
ET: Well… they’re back in the Bradley Center…
MM: Did Von Doom really just eat that?
ET: He did.
MM: I think I’m going to be sick to my stomach. Where are my cheezits?
ET: (sighs)
Back to the action, as David has pulled Ace over to the ESW Merchandise stand. There are many different trinkets for sale here… an ESW Ultimate Championship replica belt… an Armani Stylez beer cozy… the Johnny Franchise “Do-it-yourself French Fries Kit”… and most notably, the assorted shirts of different ESW superstars, all of which are nearly sold out… save for Ace’s shirts, which look as though perhaps once was sold all night… and Ace himself is wearing a new shirt. David, meanwhile, pulls Ace up, then scoop slams him onto one of the two merchandise tables, putting him right through the center! Many fans amassed nearby are cheering loudly as David pulls one of Ace’s shirts off the rack, rubs it on his ass, then stuffs it into Ace’s mouth!
MM: Oh, that’s just sick.
ET: No kidding!
As David stands up, a fan appears with a chair in hand. David smirks, then takes the chair from the fan. He looks at Starla, then Ace.
David: Okay, Starla… I think this guy has suffered through nearly enough for tonight. Let’s get him back to the ring and finish him off. But first… there’s something I’ve always wanted to do…
David pulls Starla over and whispers into her ear. Her eyes go wide.
Starla: You’ve gotta be joking! That’s suicide!
David: Trust me… I’ll be fine. Just get him ready, okay?
David nods to Starla, who reluctantly agrees. David then heads off as Starla drags Ace to his feet and begins positioning him onto the second merchandising table.
ET: What does Blazenwing have in mind?
MM: I don’t know, but Starla didn’t like it.
Suddenly, the crowd cheers loudly as the camera moves up… and we see David standing stop the railing on the second floor of the arena, looking down at the lobby!
David: BANZAI, @#%$!
David then leaps off the second floor railing… time seems to stop as Blazenwing floats in mid-air, positioning the chair below his feet… and the crowd explodes as David lands, very hard, but dead on, destroying what was left of Ace with an Arabian Facebuster!!!
ET & MM: OH MY GOD!
Starla quickly drops down to check on David. After several moments, David starts to stir, and slowly is pulled to his feet by Starla.
David: That… was… AWESOME!
The crowd starts a loud “holy @#%$” chant as David grins widely, holding his sides, and motions for Starla to start dragging Ace into the main arena. The two slowly make their way back through the floor area, until they enter the main arena, and the crowd explodes!
ET: And they’re back in the arena now… don’t know why, this is a hardcore match, falls count anywhere and all that…
MM: Hey, David has something in mind, leave him be!
After struggling for a little bit, the duo reaches ringside and they dump Ace over the barricade, dropping him crotch first onto the barricade for good measure before pushing him over the side.
David: Like I said earlier, Ace… time to die!
David and Starla make their way back over the top and heave Ace’s limp body into the ring before David points to Starla.
David: Aeroticize him!
Starla: With pleasure!
The crowd cheers loudly as Starla heads to the top rope, then leaps off with the Aerotica (Swanton Bomb), landing squarely on Ace! She goes for the cover!
1!
2!
…and David pulls her off of Ace!
ET: What’s that all about?
Starla gets to her feet and questions David.
David: Wait… we’re not done YET. Let me do one more thing, ok? Then he’s all yours.
Starla thinks for a moment, then nods.
MM: They’re not done? Jesus H. Christ!
David starts walking over to the ropes… then stops, rears back, and nails Starla square in the jaw with the Full Effect (Sweet Chin Music)!
ET: WHAT THE HELL?!
MM: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! YES! JUSTICE!
theace83
Site Owner
Posts: 68 he crowd is sitting in stunned silence as David looks down at Starla, then Ace. He then kicks Starla over onto her back, before dragging Ace over to Starla and dropping him onto her! He then demands that the referee count! The ref, shocked, has no choice but to drop down and count.
1!
MM: Yes!
2!
ET: Not like this!
3!
DING DING DING!!!
Maria Carter: Ladies and gentleman, here is your winner and the NEW United States Champion… THE ACE!!!
“Sinner” by Drowning Pool hits the Tron as EMTs swarm the scene, checking on the new U.S. Champion. They quickly get him onto a stretcher and the title is laid across his waist as he is carted out of the arena. Meanwhile, the crowd is now booing loudly, chanting “D-Blaze Sucks” as he stands over the fallen Stutterfly.
ET: How in the… why in the… what just happened?!
MM: I’ll tell you, Ed… justice was served! I TOLD you Ace would be leaving here as the new U.S. Champion!
ET: But… why? Why did Blazenwing cost Starla the match… the title… and her unpinned streak in ESW?
MM: Who cares? It’s time to celebrate! Ha ha ha!
ET: I hope we get more on this next week…
In the ring, David leans down and points a finger at Starla’s head shaped like a gun, then simulates pulling the trigger, grinning evilly, as the camera fades to the ESW logo, then to black.